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Parking -- What Gives!

So when Parking with that significant other. Look for these obvious signs of Parking What Gives disease. Or PWG.
Three signs from hell and it isn't just an annoyance-- it's real. Real as the stripes in the lot.
Ok, what gives, four signs...spouse always says,

"Who cares we always get there on time."

As manacled hands twirls the wheel in the sweet little hands and pushes the accelerator with one 'lead' but highly polished foot. With a neck busting jolt only, 'Cole Trickle' could love.

This is my "co-pilot pain."
  1.  Looks, into the rear view mirror to see if there are any parking spaces? huh? Yeah huh, double huh?
  2. Gazes, into the side mirror to see if she can park in that space? Yes, this does not make sense. But PWG people don't know it. And it's not their fault, at all. Their Mother's dropped them on their parking asses too many times.
  3. Thinks, if she goes 60 mph, screaming past old women and babies, that the parking lot will become an oasis of open and empty spaces as far as the bumper can see. 
  4.  If the greatest driver spins like that crazy droid in the Star Tours ride and thinks-- will be richly rewarded with a great parking space up front 'near' the Wal-mart door.

    Instead only, "husband-onic" misery because these painful methods just paid off. One glorious spot just opened up. Just for crazy mixed up tire tracks tussle.

Yes, these four obvious signs are all sufferers of PWG. They need a drink, a hard drug and the 'scare lesson' from a 'fender bender.' But that's the rub.

The PWG sufferers always get away with it. They are like functioning  parking-olics. Never hit anyone just "drive" everyone else crazy. Yes dear, "Park next to that disturbed F150 or that blessedly obese Tahoe. The choice is always yours, of course."

Except when you let me drive then the choice is still yours to take.Many miles before I sleep, many near misses before I.....(thump, thump....flat line.)

Help me! Please Auto-gods---

P.S. I almost forgot the hated Stop Sign---

I was just reminded me that there is stop sign at the end of the block that bistro driver believes one day in the future will turn green. I believe this-- because she seems to forget that-- every day-- accelerates into a Stop Sign! What the blank---everyday mind you.

 The Sign is not going to become a yield or disappear.

But be a red Stop Sign forever!

--Atrocity to Brake Stop to get needed pads!


  1. very Bourdainesque . . . and what about stop signs?


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Never trust Mr Atrocity! Art you can trust him.
Two brothers just lying around-- which one is telling the truth???

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 The young interviewer stated, " Mr Atrocity, that's not a process." I stated, "...yeah well there you go." He said "Mr Atrocity," like I was twelve and I had just given him a very disappointing answer. I could almost hear him nodding through the smart phone with bone cracking displeasure.

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What is my process? 
Why did that question make my mind go blank? Why in the hell did that question above all others cause to me to short circuit?

I asked other people about it and they gave my glowing answers on what I should have said.
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